we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
