It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
