Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
