I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
