Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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