Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
