wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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