dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
