well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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