We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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