Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
