Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
