hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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