I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
