I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
