If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
