In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
