I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
