I can't watch pbs sober anymore
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
