if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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