cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
