The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
