Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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