She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
