So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
