I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
