Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
