Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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