K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
