also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
