come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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