Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
40s are totally the cure
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
