YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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