I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
