Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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