is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
