so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
