he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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