Porn is love you can see.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
