There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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