at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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