I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
