Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
