why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
