so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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