I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
