just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
