You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
