How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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