if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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