he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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