4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
