My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
