Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
